A new service being offered in South Korea lets dog owners use their cell phone to analyze their dog’s barks, giving them text messages from their pet which say things like “I am happy,” “I am frustrated,” or “Quit wasting your money on stupid things like this and buy me something I can chew on, dammit!” The program is an offshoot of the Bowlingual, a Japanese product in which the dog’s barks are picked up by a collar and translated on a handheld unit. 300,000 of them were sold at $100 a pop, but now you can do it just by using your phone. Best of all, if you have a speaker phone at home you can reply using one of six pre-recorded barks which they say communicate your feelings. You know, things like “I’m happy too,” “I understand your frustration,” and “If you’ve peed on the floor I’m going to neuter you when I get home.”