No Snickers, It’s Healthy Chocolate

Mars Inc., the company that makes Milky Way, M&M’s, and Whiskas cat food, is about to launch heart healthy chocolate. Called CocoaVia, the dark chocolate is high in flavanols, an antioxidant found in cocoa beans that some people claim thins the blood and lowers blood pressure. Just to be safe, the chocolate is also enriched with vitamins and injected with cholesterol-lowering plant sterols from soy. For a minute there it was almost sounding good. In related news, Frito-Lay is releasing a new version of Cheetos they claim constitutes a daily serving of dairy product, Pringles are being marketed as a vegetable, and Campbells is launching an ad campaign insisting that eating beans by the campfire doesn’t make you gay.

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