Parlez-Vous Français, Dammit

French President Jacques Chirac was so outraged to hear a fellow Frenchman speak English at a European Union summit the other day that he and his delegation got up and walked out. “It is not just national interest, it is in the interest of culture and the dialogue of cultures,” he said. Also in the interest of culture and the dialogue of cultures, he refuses to eat English muffins, listen to music played on the English horn, dip even his big toe into the English Channel, or put any spin on the ball when playing tennis or billiards.

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