Can I Have a Mainline Slam®, Please?

A 33-year-old man ran into a Denny’s in Modesto, California, last week, grabbed a butter knife off a table, and started stabbing himself in the arm because he thought he’d injected air into his vein while shooting cocaine and was convinced he’d die if he didn’t cut his arm off. When the knife proved to be too dull, he ran into the kitchen, grabbed a butcher knife, and dug it into his arm. Police showed up, subdued him with a taser, and took him to the hospital where he was treated for severe wounds to his arm. According to the Modesto Bee, “The restaurant closed for the evening to clean up.” Customers were given a coupon for a free side order of scrambled brains with their next Country-Fried Steak and Eggs.

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