And We’ll Serve Your Fish And Chips On Chinet®

In an attempt to avert 87,000 pub brawl injuries involving broken glass and $4.2 billion in health care costs each year, Britain’s Home Secretary announced that Britons would stop their binge drinking. Just kidding. Actually he unveiled a shatter-proof pint beer glass which he hopes “will bring an end to these attacks.” Once the glasses are in common use and drunk Britons return to the good old days of punching and using knives, the government plans to issue padded boxing gloves and rubber knife-tips to patrons as they enter pubs.

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