Archive for May 2015


Make No Mistakes

May 20th, 2015 — 9:33am

nuclear-pencilAccording to the Korean Central News Agency, a North Korean military official stated that, “We have had the capability of miniaturizing nuclear warheads, as well as producing multiform weapons, for some time.” When asked to comment on this breakthrough, leader Kim Jong Un said, “It’s very exciting. We can put them in our pockets with our loose change, keep one on our keychains, and even pull the eraser out of a pencil and put a teeny tiny nuclear warhead in it. I’m just saying.”

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Hindsight is 20-20

May 14th, 2015 — 6:12pm

Jeb Bush yesterday backpedaled once again when asked about whether the U.S. should have gotten involved in his older brother’s war in Iraq, “Knowing what we know now, I would not have engaged. I would not have gone into Iraq.” When asked for a comment about his sons, George H. Bush, said, “Knowing what we know now, I would have gotten a vasectomy on my wedding night.”

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Now That’s Sitting — or Standing — Bull

May 12th, 2015 — 2:26pm

Commenting on the NFL’s decision to suspend New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady for four games for using underinflated footballs in the playoffs, Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid Tweeted that, “I find it stunning that the NFL cares more about how much air is in a football than it cares about a racist franchise name,” referring of course to the Washington Redskins. Interestingly, he doesn’t seem to care that the government has Tomahawk missiles; Apache, Blackhawk, and Lakota helicoptors; and used the code name Geronimo in the attack on Osama bin Laden. Whatever you do, don’t go scalping tickets to the next Reid fundraiser.

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