In an interview with an Argentine newspaper in advance of his arrival for a 34-nation presidential summit, George Bush was asked what he had in his pockets. Aside from lobbyists, of course. He reached in his pocket, pulled out a white handkerchief, and said, “Es todo. No dinero, no mas. No wallet.” Or, uh, cartera in Spanish. That’s right — no keys, no cell phone, no nail clippers, no money. And you thought it was only our pockets he emptied…

Forget tickling Elmo, that’s so-o-o last millennium. This Christmas’ edition is “Knows Your Name Elmo,” a doll that can greet a child by name right out of the box. Well, as long as the parents can use the supplied CD-ROM and USB cable to download the child’s name without having to ask their kid for help. Yeah, fat chance. Elmo can tell stories, sing songs, and even remind a child when it’s time for breakfast. Parents can personalize Elmo even more by entering additional information, including the child’s favorite color, birthday, social security number, and FBI dossier record locator number. There’s also a Winnie The Pooh version, but who cares?