Last week an Air Force facility in Colorado Springs, Colorado, tested a system that would be used to communicate with first responders nationwide in the event of a homeland security threat. Hundreds of garage doors in the area stopped working. It turns out they’re broadcasting at a radio frequency of 390 megahertz which — whoops! — also happens to be the frequency that controls about 50 million garage door openers. And has since the early 1980s. Which can be discovered as easily as reading the first sentence of the garage door opener entry in Wikipedia.

First a mother in Ohio was arrested on suspicion of microwaving her newborn daughter in an oven. Then a Georgia man was arrested after allegedly mistaking his estranged wife for a turkey and trying to force her into an oven on Thanksgiving. In front of their five children, no less. A quick lesson, folks: that’s food, these are humans. In spite of the old Twilight Zone episode “To Serve Man,” we do not cook people. Class dismissed.