Dan Maes, the Republican candidate for governor of Colorado, says Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper’s initiative to provide 400 bicycles for rent around Denver is a “very well-disguised” plot perpetrated by the United Nations that “could threaten our personal freedoms.” He recommends that his followers wear aluminum foil helmets while campaigning so the World Bank won’t be able to monitor their brainwaves and steal their bike lock combinations to sell to the U.N.

When Tokyo officials went to wish Sogen Kato a happy 111th birthday, they discovered he wasn’t really the city’s oldest man as they thought. He was a mummy. They found his body in bed under the covers wearing underwear and pyjamas. They suspect he’s been there—dead—since 1980, when he was 81. Police are investigating and suspect that the 9.5 million yen ($109,000) pension payout his family received over the years could have something to do with it.  Ya think?