At a press conference today, a Dutch company named Mars One announced that they’re looking for people who want to fly to Mars in 2022, land seven months later in 2023, and stay there until they die because a one-way ticket is cheaper and, well, there’s no technology yet to get them back to Earth. “It’s likely that there will be a crematorium,” the CEO said. “It’s up to the people on Mars to decide what to do with their dead.” Anyone 18 or older can apply by submitting a video along with a check for $38. No word on whether you can apply to have someone else go on a one-way trip to Mars. You know, like a politician, say? Or your boss? How about that kid who held you down and put a worm on your head when you were seven? It sure would be worth $38 to send him to Mars.

Researchers in Germany say they’ve found arsenic in hundreds of samples of beer, some at levels more than twice that allowed in drinking water. Experts aren’t surprised, as the diatomaceous earth often used to filter beer and wine so it’s nice and clear contains various metals. The filtering process can leave traces of the metals, including arsenic, in the beer, though at much lower levels than your spouse has been adding over the past year.

A new survey conducted by Public Policy Polling asking people whether they believed in 20 “widespread and/or infamous” conspiracy theories found that 37% believe global warming is a hoax, 15% say the government or the media adds mind-controlling technology to TV broadcast signals, six percent say Osama bin Laden is still alive, 15% think the medical and pharmaceutical industries “invent” new diseases to make money, and 7% thought it was Bigfoot calling and hung up because they believe he could read their thoughts even though they were wearing their aluminum foil helmet.