The FBI announced that they found no remains in their latest search for Jimmy Hoffa in a field in Oakland Township, Michigan. They did, however, find the long missing Pauly Shore. Unfortunately they couldn’t find any sign of his career.

Sad news for all the kids of the ’60s — astronaut and second man to step on the moon Buzz Aldrin says, “Tang sucks.” Well, duh! He came clean while taping Spike TV’s Guys Choice awards. While the actual content of the show is secret until it airs tonight — Oh, the suspense! The drama! The intrigue! — he’s also expected to announce that the moon actually is made of green cheese that’s a few million years past its freshness date, the man on the moon was actually born a woman, and he still tends to spell “Apollo” with two p’s and one l and has to look it up.