Actor Tom Sizemore, best known for being in Saving Private Ryan, went to jail for violating his probation when he failed a drug test. It seems he had a fake penis sewn into his boxer shorts that was filled with a clean urine sample kept warm by a heating pack. And to think, his probation officer thought he was just happy to see him.

In genitally related news, this week a woman in England was sentenced to two and a half years in jail for ripping off her ex-lover’s testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused to have sex with her, a man in California is suing a hospital and one of its surgeons claiming they made a mistake when they removed one of his testicles during surgery, and of course there’s the Welsh guy who cut his own testicles off with a knife because Wales beat England in a rugby match. I feel much safer knowing bad things happen in threes.