60 Minutes’ Andy Rooney took the witness stand Monday in a case about a company that stiffed speakers it lined up to talk at events. When asked to swear to tell “nothing but the truth, so help you God” Rooney muttered, “I don’t know about God.” The judge lectured him, saying witnesses don’t get to ask questions, even if they are cranky old curmudgeonly commentators. He’s got a point though. Have you ever wondered about God? Why would he help anyone tell the truth? What’s he going to do if I don’t tell the truth, send a plague of locusts or some frogs? Make my eyebrows bushier? What really bugs me is people who bring God into the courtroom. I’m sure he has nothing better to do with his time. He’s got his hands full making cute little kittens, helping Tiger Woods sink a 20-foot putt, giving Grammy Award-winning singers those clear high notes, and trying to talk the College of Cardinals out of electing John Bolton as the new Pope. God doesn’t care if I tell the truth, I’m a commentator not a reporter. I get paid to make things up. And what about potato chip bags? Have you tried to open one lately……