Time’s a-Wastin’, Dammit!

Scientists at the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory have created petrified wood in a couple of days, a process that takes pokey ole Mother Nature, oh, a few million years. No word on what they’re going to do with the time saved, the petrified wood they made, or the government grant money they’re going to have to return when it’s discovered that this has no military significance.

Dennis Bosley sent a postcard to his mother 37 years ago and it was just returned to him by the Post Office. The Pacific Northwest National Laboratory thinks they can speed this process up so next time he’ll get it back in a matter of months.

Drivers who are in a rush in Norway will soon have to pay $1,300 if they’re clocked doing 75 miles an hour in a 55-mph zone. Unless, of course, they can prove they were on the way to a Texas Longhorns football game (see below ), had to get home before their wood house petrified, or are delivering returned mail for the U.S. Postal Service.

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