Papal Prognostications

With the Pope back in the hospital for the second time in two weeks, everyone’s wondering if he’s going to make it. Well you can rest easy. According to a carved marble monument to Pope Sylvester II that’s in Rome’s Basilica of Saint John Lateran, he’s going to be okay. It turns out that the carving cries and gets moist when a Pope is about to die, but on Friday a priest touched it and — voila! — it was dry. In confirming signs, the grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary burned into it didn’t drip Velveeta and yesterday morning’s fried eggs didn’t stick to the frying pan with Jesus’ face on the bottom. Hey, a little corroboration never hurts.

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