Stop Me If You’ve Heard This…

– A mother and daughter in Nebraska are selling a Rold Gold Honey Mustard Pretzel on eBay that they say looks like the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. They hope to get $1,000 so the daughter can buy a horse. (Advice: Stop squinting so much. It’s a pretzel. One that sort of looks like a treble clef.)

– A retired school teacher in Poland went to the doctor because of a headache. X-rays showed he had a five-inch knife blade stuck in his head. Apparently it had been there since he tripped and fell on the kitchen floor four days previous. Said the man: “I thought they might give me an aspirin, instead they pulled a five-inch knife blade out of my head.” [Insert favorite Polish joke here: ______________________]

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