Please Leave A Message At The Gunshot

“Thanks for calling the Prince Edward Island Suicide Hotline. No one is here to talk to you, but if you’d like to leave a message we’ll get back to you in the morning and see if you’re still alive.”

In order to save money, Prince Edward Island, a small province on Canada’s East Coast, has cut back its 24-hour suicide hotline. Starting June 1st, if you’re in the area and want to be talked out of killing yourself you’d better schedule it between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.

“Press 1 for sympathy. Press 2 for empathy. Press 3 for apathy. If you still need help, please stay on the line and wait for daylight.”

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