What do you do when you’re a King, need a wife, and there’s no match.com, CraigsList, or Blind Date around? If you’re the King of Swaziland you hold a Reed Dance, where more than 50,000 bare-breasted virgins wearing beaded mini-skirts dance around the royal stadium while carrying machetes and singing tributes to the groom-to-be in the hope that he’ll pick them to join his 12 other wives in multi-matrimonial bliss. And to think, the guys on ElimiDate only get to choose from four.

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