They Must Be High And (Hopefully) Dry

Officials in Beijing are guaranteeing that it won’t rain during the opening ceremony of next year’s Olympic Games, which is a good thing since they decided to cut costs by not building a roof on the new National Stadium and, as the chief engineer of the Office of Weather Manipulation said, “The rain might have a negative impact on the opening ceremony.” Ya think? They also plan to use reduced friction water in the swimming pools, have light gravity days so high jumpers can leap over buildings, and make non-greasy General Tso’s Chicken. Let the games begin!

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