Do You Solemnly Arf to Tell The Meow, The Whole Oink, And Nothing But The Moo?

Voters in Switzerland will go to the polls on March 7 to vote on whether every canton should be required to appoint a dedicated public prosecutor to represent the interests of pets and farm animals in court, much like the case two weeks ago when lawyer Antoine F. Goetschel of Zurich represented a dead fish in court, accusing a fisherman of having tortured the pike because it took 10 minutes to haul it into the tandem kayak. When asked to comment, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom said, “Damn. Why didn’t I think of that?”

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