You Don’t Need Dr. Drew To Know Which Way The Wind Blows

In a bi-partisan religious first, an Iranian religious leader has channeled Pat Robertson, declaring that earthquakes aren’t, in fact, caused by shifting tectonic plates, but rather by women dressing immodestly and being promiscuous. Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi went on to say that adultery causes floods, premarital sex causes hurricanes, and masturbation causes tornadoes but they’re worth it.