The National Hurricane Center announced the second named tropical storm of the East Pacific this season. It’s a Category 2 storm off the southwestern coast of Mexico named Hurricane Bud. Those hoping for Hurricane Bubba will have to wait until next year, but there’s still hope for Hurricane Dude, Hurricane Gaga, and Hurricane Sup.

Police in Newtown Township, Pennsylvania, are searching for a man who exposed himself to a woman inside the Bucks County Association for the Blind bookstore. The suspect was described as a skinny, black, clueless male between the age of 35 and 45 years old who probably has a prior record of creating noisy disturbances at the Bucks County School for the Deaf.

Beginning this month, 7-Eleven will start selling sugar-free Slurpees, starting with Fanta Mango flavor. The sugar-free version will have 20 calories vs. 66 calories for a normal Slurpee. That’s if you get it in an 8-ounce cup, a cute little size no one knows exists since it looks like a thimbleful next to the usual 44-ounce cup. Not to mention that each store only gets three 8-ounce cups a year and they usually use them to practice cup stacking.

A federal appeals court ruled today that it’s okay for Minute Maid to call one of their drinks “Pomegranate Blueberry” even though it’s made almost entirely from apple and grape juices and contains a pitiful 0.3% pomegranate juice and 0.2% blueberry juice. The judge said that since it’s okay that it takes more than a minute to serve it and there are no maids—or women of any type—on their Board of Directors, then they can call the juice any damned thing they like.

When a photograph of Katrina Hayman, a pig midwife who had entered the Taranaki Bride of the Year competition, ran in the newspaper showing her drinking beer out of a bottle, it caused an online uproar in her native New Zealand. One critic called the photograph “disgusting” while the contest’s organizers demanded an apology from the newspaper. A website  poll found that 62% of respondents thought drinking beer is “becoming for a bride,” 14% said “No, it’s tacky,” 24% said “OK, but out of an elegant glass please,” and 100% wondered what the hell a pig midwife is.