A study published in the journal Current Biology finds that Korean eunuchs — testicularly challenged men who were castrated as boys — lived between 14 to 19 years longer than intact men. They suspect this could be because male sex hormones play a role in life span. Or perhaps life just feels longer when you don’t have sex.

After his wife’s airplane had to make an emergency landing Friday because of an electrical  malfunction, prospective head of our country Mitt Romney bemoaned something all pre-schoolers have thought about: Windows in airplanes don’t roll down, dammit! “When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that,” Romney told the Los Angeles Times. Besides, what if you want to talk to your dog who’s strapped to the roof?

A Harvard University professor says she’s translated a fourth-century copy of the Gospel in which Jesus refers to “my wife.” The piece of papyrus goes on to call his wife Mary, says “she can be my disciple,” and quotes Jesus as telling his followers, “Take my wife, please.” If proven to be genuine, the Coptic text may prove not only that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, but that Henny Youngman did, in fact, steal his famous line from one of his contemporaries.

In an article in the Wall Street Journal, Google’s Sergey Brin said his favorite feature of the Google Glasses is the voice-activated time-lapse capability that lets him take photos of his kids every 10 seconds when he is playing with them. “I never think about taking out my phone,” he said. “That would really be disruptive to my play time.” It’s so much less disruptive to have the kids wondering why Dad’s wearing some goofy glasses and they have to keep asking, “Are you talking to me, Daddy, or your glasses?”

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure set a movie opening record this Labor Day weekend. Unfortunately it’s the record for the all-time worst box office opening in history, having taken in a whopping $448,131 in its first three days. Total. On 2,160 screens. That comes to about $207 per screen…for the whole weekend. This is whole $69 a day per screen. If they had, say, as few as three shows per day, that’s $23 per show. Considering they’re all matinees, this means on average they probably had two adults and one child at each showing of the movie over the weekend. Somewhere in Hollywood, Dustin Hoffman, Warren Beatty, and everyone else involved in Ishtar is happy they weren’t involved in this one.