According to a poll by VH1, a line from U2’s song One — “One life, with each other, sisters, brothers” — is Britain’s favorite song lyric. Lyrics from The Smiths’ song How Soon is Now? came in second, followed by a line from Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit. Neil Diamond protested because “‘I am’ I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair.” wasn’t even on the list.
Residents of the Yupik Eskimo village of Savoo, Alaska can finally have pizza delivered to their door. The good news is, delivery is free. The bad news is they have to plan ahead since it’s being delivered from Nome, which is 170 miles away, though luckily they’re being delivered by plane. If this works out they’re hoping to have their first sled-thru restaurant soon.
The New York Times reports that Lee Raymond, who retired in December as chairman and CEO of Exxon, earned more than $686 million from 1993 to 2005. I’ll save you the trouble of pulling out a calculator —that comes to $144,573 a day. I sure hope he put in at least a 10-hour day.
Asked during a television interview to explain his poor putting in the final round of the U.S. Masters golf tournament, Tiger Woods explained, “I putted atrociously today. Once I got on the greens, I was a spaz.” The British-based disability organization Scope, which was formerly called The Spastics Society, was offended, so Woods’ agent apologized, saying, “Please don’t take anything Tiger says personally. Sometimes he can be a real tard.”
It took months of discussion, but The DaVinci Academy in Ogden, Utah, was ecstatic that they’d lined up Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show, to appear at the school’s annual gala. Then last Friday they learned that they had booked Jon A. Stewart, a former motivational speaker and part-time professional wrestler from Chicago, by accident. Hey, it could have been worse. They could have booked Jon Stewart, the lawyer from Houston, Jon Stewart, the editor of Hegel Myths and Legends, or Jon Stewart, whose photographs adorn Book of Crepes & Omelets.
The Florida House has passed a bill that would require incoming high school freshmen to declare a major, just like college students. Reaction is mixed, with Gov. Jeb Bush pushing the idea, many educators supporting it, and high school students wondering if this means they can also join fraternities and sororities, have keg parties, and wake up wondering whose floor they’re sleeping on.
Selfridge’s department store in London is selling what they call the world’s most expensive sandwich. For £85 (US$148) you get foie gras, black truffle, brie, red pepper confit, and Wagyu beef on sour dough bread. The beef is the expensive part. It comes from Japanese cows that are fed grain, beer and wine, and massaged weekly. For $148 a sandwich you should get the massage. The 2,000-calorie meal on bread is called the McDonald sandwich, after its creator, chef Scott McDonald. Is that the Wagyu beef I smell, or a trademark infringement lawsuit?
A survey taken by a human resource company found that of all the cities in the world, Zurich has the highest quality of life, followed by Geneva and Vancouver. For the third year in a row, Baghdad tanked the lowest. Apparently they deduct points for having no electricity, no running water, lots of roadside bombs, and buildings in rubble. Go figure.
Following Scientology guidelines, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are planning to have a silent birth. Ah, if only those guidelines could extend through the rest of their lives.
Yesterday President Bush stepped up to a microphone in Charlotte, North Carolina and said he was pleased that Republicans and Democrats were working together to create a comprehensive energy bill. Whoops! Wrong bill. “Let me start over,” he said. “I’m pleased that Republicans and Democrats in the United States Senate are working together to get a comprehensive immigration bill.” Energy…immigration…hey, they both start with a “y,” don’t they?
As if Peeps weren’t disgusting enough in their native marshmallow, last year the company that manufactures them, Just Born, released yellow ones covered in milk chocolate. This year you pink Peepers will be happy to know that your fave is also available covered in milk chocolate…with crisped rice! Take that, you yellow lovers. Now all you need to do is wait for next summer so you can get them battered and fried at a state fair near you. Yum!
A study published in the April 2006 issue of the Journal of Paleolimnology says rare environmental conditions could have caused a 25-degree drop in temperature, creating hard-to-see ice on the Sea of Galilee that a person — say someone like Jesus — could have walked on. This means the worse global warming gets, the less the chance Jesus can come back and walk on water again. I wonder how that news will affect the Rapture Index.
According to NPR, surgeons have figured out how to grow a bladder outside the body. Now if they can figure out how to get it to function without transplanting it, it could mean the end of urinals, long lines in the Ladies’ Room at baseball games, and having to pull over every half hour during family road trips.
As if your Mom dragging you to the husky department to buy jeans isn’t embarrassing enough, now it turns out that one of every four kids in America between the ages of 2 and 5 are overweight and should be using a husky car seat. Honestly. One woman who bought a $250 Britax “Husky” seat says, “It’s like a La-Z-Boy recliner. It was a little difficult getting it in the back seat but my daughter loves it.” She especially loves the built-in milk dispenser, remote holder, Cheez Doodles-proof arm rests, DVD player, and PlayStation.
Just on time for Passover comes news about a kosher cell phone on sale in Israel. Made by a subsidiary of Motorola, the phones carry the official kosher seal of approval because there’s no text messaging, no Internet access, no video, no camera, and more than 10,000 numbers for phone sex, dating services and other services are blocked. Yes, all it does is make and receive phone calls. It goes great with matzoh, you can talk on it while eating meat or fish, and it’s preprogrammed with the phone number of the nearest kosher deli.
The acting Secretary-General of the Nigerian Football Association said it’s okay for referees in Nigeria to take bribes from football clubs but it shouldn’t influence their decisions. “Referees should only pretend to fall for the bait,” he said, “but make sure the result doesn’t favor those offering the bribe.” U.S. Senators, who passed a bill this week that bans lawmakers from accepting gifts or meals from lobbyists, are trying to figure out if they can work the concept into the bill before the House considers it next week.
It’s not all work for President Bush, who’s in Cancun for talks with Mexican President Vicente Fox and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Taking a break, the three took an hour-long tour of the ancient Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza. Said Bush, “I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees. Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.”
An Associated Press-Ipsos poll found that nearly three-quarters of Americans hear profanity in public frequently or occasionally, which isn’t surprising since 64% said they use the F-word. WTF?!? In related news, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia used an Italian hand gesture — cupping his hand under his chin and flicking his fingers backward — the other day in response to a question from a reporter. The Boston Herald called it “an obscene gesture under his chin,” while a Supreme Court spokesperson said it wasn’t obscene, it was “dismissive.” At least he didn’t take a tip from the Dick Cheney Heated Expression Phrase Book.
Robert Baker, the man who invented chicken nuggets, died last week. A Professor of Poultry Science at Cornell University — there’s a college major you don’t hear much about — he also came up with turkey ham, chicken dogs, and chicken pastrami. Yum! We can’t, however, pin chicken fingers, Subservient Chicken, Chicken Soup For the Soul, or Chicken of the Sea on him. Those perpetrators are still on the loose. You’ve been warned.
A survey commissioned by Britain’s Post Office found that 40% of men and 27% of women make phone calls while naked. Hopefully not to their Mum. It also found that one in 10 have wandered off and left the caller talking to themselves. Hopefully they wandered off to find their knickers.
