On the way home from a high school basketball game during which she made two 3-point shots, 18-year-old Kayla Alire complained of having an upset stomach. A couple of hours later she gave birth to a 6 pound, 4 ounce boy. She never knew she was pregnant. Neither did her boyfriend. If it hadn’t been for little Isaiah getting ready to show up she might have been named game MVP. You know, Most Vacuous Player.

If you’re in the market for a car, you might try the Palm Beach Auction at the end of the month. Two (count ’em, 2!) of Dr. Phil’s cars will be sold, a 2002 Ferrari 360 Spider and a 2001 Gemballa Porsche Turbo. They’re expected to fetch $150,000 and $100,000. Get real! Also on the block is Paul McCartney’s custom made vegan 2006 Cadillac CTS, built without any icky animal products. You know, like leather, eggs, and gelatin. Proceeds from the sale of McCartney’s car will go to Adopt-A-Minefield. Proceeds from Dr. Phil’s cars will go into his pocket.

Thomas Monaghan, the founder of Domino’s Pizza, is building a town in Florida that he says will be governed according to strict Roman Catholic principles. Plans are to have 11,000 homes housing 20,000 residents, which could create a problem since birth control won’t be sold within the city limits. There also will be no abortions, no condoms, no X-rated channels on TV, no pornographic magazines, and no pepperoni or sausage pizzas on Friday. Fish only. Burqas are optional.

A survey by the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum found that 22 percent of Americans could name all five members of the Simpson family while only one in 1,000 people could name all five First Amendment freedoms. And no, they’re not the freedom to watch TV, bear the remote, think Duff beer exists, rub Cheetos grease on the arm of a La-Z-Boy, and the freedom to earn Doh!