A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research says that being forced to line up alphabetically as kids shapes our shopping style as grown-ups. Those whose last name begins with a letter near the end of the alphabet are more likely to buy things quickly and impulsively because they always had to wait as a child, while those people with names towards the beginning of the alphabet have more patience and take time to weigh their options. If your last name begins with a letter near the end of the alphabet, you’re also more likely to buy this story. The rest of you skeptics can go to the back of the line.

A Shaolin monk is a sensation in China after appearing on their version of America’s Got Talent where he demonstrated “steel crotch Kung Fu“, meaning he was repeatedly kicked hard in his privates. Yong Hsueh, who bowed and smiled after each kick between the legs, says the rare martial art is divided into hard crotch Kung Fu and soft crotch Kung Fu. Don’t ask. He might be nuts but you can’t deny he has balls. Or had, anyway.

Boca Tacos and Tequila of Tucson, Arizona, has decided not to serve African lion tacos after all. The restaurant, which has offered up python, alligator, kangaroo, turtle, and frog leg tacos in the past, cancelled the launch of the $8.75 tacos de Aslan after having received “many threats.” The Baby Seal Burrito, however, is still in the works.

A survey by AVG Technologies found that more children between the age of 2 and 5 can use a smartphone app than can tie their shoelaces. It’s not the parents’ fault. They didn’t invent Velcro.

There’s a move in Russia to have beer reclassified. As alcohol. That’s right, legally beer is considered food in Russia, much like it is in colleges across the United States, so all you need to do to make or sell it is have sanitary facilities. No licensing required. After all, it’s not like it’s real alcohol. You know, like vodka. If the law gets changed it will mean kids in Moscow will have to stick with Sprite and orange juice. If it doesn’t, maybe they can convince the Powers That Be it’s actually a food and in heaven there finally will be beer.

In case you just can’t get enough of Starbucks’ iced drinks, they’re introducing a new Super Big Gulp size…sorry, wrong company…I mean, they’re offering a new Trenta size, which features 31 ounces—nearly a quart!—of iced tea, coffee, or lemonade along with a brand new made-up size name. Hopefully to go along with it they’ll be enlarging the bathrooms to accommodate the increased need.

Astronomer Karl Gebhardt of the University of Texas’ McDonald Observatory says he has come up with the definitive estimate of the mass and size of the biggest black hole in our part of the universe. It turns out that Sarah Palin is 5’5″ and 132 lbs.

Researchers from Ohio State University and Brookhaven National Laboratory report that college students would rather receive compliments than have sex, drink, or be given a check. Of course if they were complimented on their sexual performance, ability to hold their liquor, or size of their bank account they’d be completely in heaven.

Dubai’s highest court, The Court of Cassation, ruled that a Pakistani man can indeed be deported for flipping off another driver since it violates the country’s strict indecency codes. Cab drivers in New York City are curious how their counterparts in Dubai can do their job without being allowed to use proper driving skills.

In a sermon marking the Epiphany, Pope Benedict said, “The universe is not the result of chance, as some would want to make us believe,” and that God was behind the Big Bang. He didn’t, however, take sides as to whether the Big Bang was intentional or the result of God messing around with a chemistry set.

A 754-pound tuna was sold at auction in Tokyo yesterday for a record breaking $396,000. To put it in perspective, that’s $526 per pound or $164.37 per can of tuna, which would come to $82.19 per sandwich (not including the mayonnaise). Of course it won’t end up on toast with lettuce since it was bought by two sushi restaurants which could get as much as $24 per piece by calling it “o-toro” instead of Starkist. Sorry Charlie.