When the diplomas for graduates of Westlake High School near Cleveland showed up, they had to be sent back because there was an error. Boy, were their faces read! When they were reshipped administrators didn’t think to check them again. Bad moove. When the students were handed their diplomas they noticed that “education” was spelled “educaiton.” The publisher has reprinted them and will be going to summer school instead of working at Burger King.

1. Maxi Mounds, a Florida stripper, finally made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for having the world’s largest augmented breasts. She’s a 36MM, with each breast weighing 20 pounds.

2. Monta Mino received a certificate from the Guinness World Records for “Most hours of live television by a host in one week.” Mino is the regular host of a 11 live-broadcast programs, showing up on the tube for a total of 22 hours and 15 seconds every week. Take that Reeg!

3. A jumbo black watermelon was sold in Japan for a record $6,100. It’s a bargain when you consider that a pair of “Yubari” cantaloupes sold recently for $23,500. None of them, however, were as large or weighed as much as Maxi Mounds’.

In a book coming out this week, France’s first lady talks about what made her fall head over heels in love with President Nicolas Sarkozy. No, it wasn’t his money, nor his power. It wasn’t even his eyes. It was “his five or six brains which are remarkably irrigated,” the former supermodel writes. Of course considering where they say a man’s brain is, that means he has five or six….oh, now I see the attraction. Now about the irrigation part.

A 21-year-old Dutch man was running down a street in Utrecht, Netherlands, with two friends when he thought it would be funny to moon the patrons in a restaurant. He dropped trou, pushed his butt against the window, and the glass broke, leaving him with “deep wounds to his derriere.” The restaurant owner decided not to press charges after the men agreed to pay for the window. Don’t crack wise, he’s already the butt of enough jokes about making an ass of himself.

Pringles, those pseudo potato chips that we all turn our noses up at while hoping no one discovers we can easily devour a whole can in a sitting, now comes in a new flavor: Cremains. Fredric J. Baur, the man who came up with the Pringles container and the method of packaging the curved, stacked chips, died May 4. He’d asked that his ashes be buried in one of the cans and his children complied. Some of his remains went into a can — flavor unknown — that was put in his grave, some went into an urn that was buried next to the can, and some went in another urn that was given to his grandson. Hey, they couldn’t taste any worse than pizza flavored Pringles.

Last week at Cannes, Sharon Stone asked reporters if the May 12 earthquake in China that killed nearly 70,000 people might be karma for the way the Chinese government has treated the Dalai Lama. The other day she apologized, saying she misspoke and it was “a product of news sensationalism.” Apparently she didn’t mean to say it was karma, she meant to say it was charming. The press should have realized that.

Japanese scientists have made the world’s smallest ramen bowl, measuring 1/25,000 of an inch in diameter. Carved from nanotubes, you need a microscope to see the bowl as well as the “noodles” in it that are 1/12,500th of an inch long and 1 millionth of an inch thick. Unfortunately the noodles aren’t edible, not even if you put 1/10,000th of a drop of miso soup in the bowl.

A Miami, FL, plastic surgeon has written a children’s book. No, it’s not The Little Intern Who Could or Olivia Saves a Life, it’s My Beautiful Mommy and it explains nose jobs, tummy tucks, liposuction, and breast implants to four to seven-year-olds so they won’t be shocked when Mom suddenly comes home with big boobs or her nose looks less like Zorba’s and more like Helen of Troy’s. Look for his next book, I Won’t Have a Brother Unless Daddy Takes Viagra, due for release soon.

You know times are tough when gas prices are over $4 a gallon, Costco is limiting the amount of rice you can buy, and sales of Spam are up. Yes, in an attempt to save money over real meat, people are eating more Spam. The company says some of it is the success of Spam Singles, individually wrapped slices of Spam that, according to their web site, you can keep in your pocket. And leave there if you’re smart.

The toilet on the international space station is broken. Thanks to a motor fan that quit working, the liquid waste-gathering system stopped working so the three astronauts are using a jury-rigged system that I’m sure we don’t want to know about. Luckily space shuttle Discovery is set to arrive on Monday, hopefully with an emergency shipment of Drano, a robo-plunger, and a plumber who will become the first person in space to show crackage through a space suit.

Alan Marscher knows he can’t be a star. Well, astronomically speaking. But that’s not stopping the Boston University astronomer from writing and singing songs like “Superluminal Lover” and another about a black hole with the lyrics “Attracted by your gravity, your body’s so compact. Pulling me inward, prepare for close contact.” Of course it’s no worse than “I am, I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, Not even the chair” or “I don’t like cities, But I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork.” So maybe he should start using only his first name, Alan, and get Justin Timberlake to produce his next album. Sales could be, uh, astronomic.

A former Australian of the Year, Tim Flannery, told Parliament he thinks the answer to global warming and climate change is to pump sulphur into the atmosphere to change the color of the sky so it will repel the sun’s rays and keep the planet cooler. He admits that no one knows if there would be negative consequences. You know, like the air smelling like rotten eggs, everyone having to buy new sunglasses that filter out more yellows, and Satan feeling more at home here than ever.

Anyone buying a car at Max Motors in Butler, MO, this month will get a special incentive thrown in — a $250 check toward either a gun or gasoline. According to general manager Walter Moore, so far most have chosen the gun. “Down here, we all believe in God, guts and guns,” he said. Besides, gas doesn’t do you any good during a fit of road rage unless you have it in a bottle with some soap flakes and a rag stuffed in the neck.

BioArts International, a biotech company in Mill Valley, CA, is auctioning off five spots—uh, opportunities—to have your dog cloned. On June 18th the five highest bidders in an online auction will be able to get a copy of their dog. Well, providing you have “a living dog from which your veterinarian can obtain a viable tissue sample, or have already gene banked viable tissue from a live or deceased dog.” Unfortunately they can’t use saliva, teeth, nails, blood, or fur. Darn. The cloning will be performed by Hwang Woo-suk, the South Korean scientist and creator of Snuppy, the world’s first cloned dog, whose stem cell research turned out to have been faked. Now that’s reassuring. Bidding will start at $100,000. Registration is open at bestfriendsagain.com. With luck you’ll have a matching pair of dogs on time for the dog days of summer.

American Airlines, which last month joined other airlines in charging $25 for second checked bags, announced today that beginning June 15 it will hit passengers with $15 for the first checked bag as well. Other new fees include charges for reservation help, oversize bags, a seat, and use of the overhead light and airflow nozzle. In addition, flight attendants will pass a hat in case the passengers want an experienced pilot rather than a teenager who’s really good at Flight Simulator.

Deputy Assistant Secretary of State Scot Marciel told the House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on Asia yesterday that the Myanmar government’s response to Cyclone Nargis has been appalling and that if thousands die because the country won’t accept foreign aid and disaster workers it will be the government’s responsibility. Asked to comment, President Bush said, “Brownie — I mean, Senior General Than Shwe — you’re doing a heck of a job.”

When Queen Juliana of the Netherlands abdicated the throne to her daughter, Queen Beatrix, in 1980, she wanted to pardon all petty criminals, something European royalty had traditionally done in the past. When told this wasn’t possible anymore, she suggested that instead all prisoners be served a piece of cake. Cooler heads prevailed and, unlike her 18th century role model, she kept hers.

A flight attendant on a Compass Airlines plane heading to Saskatchewan was upset about having to work the flight so he set some paper towels on fire in the bathroom, forcing the plane to make an emergency landing in Fargo, ND. The passengers should have been tipped off when he made his pre-flight announcement earlier: “We remind you that this is a non-smoking flight. Tampering with, disabling, or destroying the smoke detectors located in the lavatories is prohibited by law. We want them working should we choose to set this aircraft on fire. We hope you have an enjoyable flight.”

The same day the British Ministry of Defence released previously secret files about some of the 11,000 UFO sightings dating back as far as the 1950s, the Vatican’s chief astronomer declared that it’s okay to believe in aliens and that it doesn’t contradict your faith in God. That means Fox Muldur is no longer a heretic and those little green guys you saw on the way home from the Slug and Dingleberrie weren’t the result of the last pint of Guinness.

In an interview with Politico magazine, President Bush, the man who once expressed disapproval of terrorist bombings in Israel while on the links and then told reporters “Now watch this drive,” said he gave up golfing in 2003 because, “I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them.” Hey, nothing says sacrifice like giving up your tee time.