A woman in Orange County, near Los Angeles, gave birth to octuplets yesterday. Yes, that’s eight babies. By the time it was over they ranged in age from one to five minutes and weighed between 8 ounces and 3lb. 4oz. The mother, who was surprised because she thought she was only having seven of them, says she plans to breastfeed the babies. Honestly.

In an appearance on Good Morning America, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich revealed that he’d considered appointing Oprah Winfrey as Barack Obama’s Senate replacement. “She was obviously someone with a much broader bully pulpit than other senators,” he said. He also considered David Letterman, Britney, Dopey, Grumpy, and the Tooth Fairy, but none was interested enough to make him a good offer.

Ty Inc., the company that makes Beanie Babies, has released two new dolls in their “TyGirlz Collection.” Even though “Sweet Sasha” and “Marvelous Malia” have bronze skin and the same names as the new First Children, a spokeswoman at the company says it’s all a coincidence. That’s not so unusual, really. Just think about all those lucky people who made Barack Obama T-shirts, bumper stickers, and buttons. I mean, what are the chances that someone with the exact same name would actually turn out to run for president? And win!

Last year the Canadian Transportation Agency instituted a “one-person, one-fare” ruling that says the airlines have to give a second seat to any passenger who’s obese. The problem was figuring out how to determine when someone is truly too big to fit in one seat. Last week the country’s major airlines decided that people who want to extra seat will have to submit a medical excuse from a doctor, one that asks them to measure the patient’s butt. It even shows them the approved way to measure it. No one ever told them a career in medicine would be pretty.

Using NASA’s Infrared Telescope Facility in Hawaii, scientists have discovered methane in Mars’ atmosphere. They’re not sure how long the methane has been there, but they say it might mean there’s life on Mars. Who would have thought Elsie the Cow might be Martian?

If you thought fried Twinkies, fried Milky Ways, and (True Fact Alert!) fried Cokes at the state fair were bad, head to South Korea where you can get French Fry Coated Hot Dogs. The only thing missing is a ketchup core. Okay, and wrapping it in batter, frying it, then dipping it in chocolate so you have a whole Meal-on-a-Stick. Oh yeah. And a French Fry Coated Hot Dog Eating Contest, though that can’t be far off.

When the newscaster on BBC News said she had “breaking news” to announce, listeners perked up, wondering if there was peace in the Middle East, Osama bin Laden had been found, or George Bush decided to leave office a week early and let Barack Obama pinch hit. Instead the newscaster disclosed that a pet hamster named Lassie had been stolen from an apartment in Worcestershire. Along with a computer games console, a television and a bottle of milk. Five days previous. That’s what you call a slow news day.

Ricardo Montalban died Wednesday at age 88 from “complications of advancing age.” He’ll be buried on Fantasy Island in a coffin lined with soft Corinthian leather.

Ricardo Jaral, Mexico City’s director for conservation of public spaces, has declared war on chewing gum, which he says covers the city’s sidewalks to the tune of 70 BPSY (blobs per square yard). “When you finish chewing a piece of gum, you either have to put it in a piece of paper and deposit it in a trash receptacle, or swallow it,” he said. Meanwhile in Texas, death row inmate Andre Thomas pulled out his only good eye and told authorities he ate it. No word on whether he thought he was in Mexico and was being a good citizen.

A Japanese web site is keeping track of what different places around the world smell like. Nioi-bu, or Smell Club, uses Google maps to show more than 160 scented spots around the world, including “steam coming out of a rice cooker,” “cats with halitosis,” and “used socks in the summer.” It will be interesting to see if the smell in Washington, D.C., changes next week.

When a Salt Lake City woman thought she saw her roommate’s estranged boyfriend enter a shed behind her house while holding a gun, she did the smart thing and called the police. They secured the area, cleared the house, evacuated some neighbors, and shut down the street. After a three-hour standoff the police sent K-9 dogs to the shed to check it out. It was locked. In was also empty. Next!

Hyundai, being the car maker with a heart, has launched a new incentive program aimed at people who are worried about losing their jobs. You know, like everyone. If you buy a new Hyundai and lose your job within a year, you can give the car back and not have to make any more loan payments. Then all you need to do is find a bus schedule so you can get to those job interviews.

As has become a tradition, Barack Obama will ride in a brand new limo during the inaugural parade next week. Spy photos of the limo show a huge, tank-like custom-built Cadillac with 8-inch-thick doors, thick ballistic glass windows, phones, satellite hook-up, Internet access, and a hand-cut-and-sewn interior. Black, of course. And yes, it’s a hybrid that reportedly runs on diesel fuel—not E85, biodiesel, hydrogen, dilithium crystals, or even electricity. No word on whether it will be outfitted with 22″ DUB Dirty Dog-5 chrome spinners or 27″ Lexani Seven EFTs.

It may not be legal to talk or send text messages on a cell phone while driving in many places, but at least you can still do it from your grave. Or so some people think. The Future Laboratory, a London-based think tank, reports that more and more people are being buried with their cell phone. The publisher of American Funeral Director magazine says he even heard of a guy who was laid out in his coffin with his Bluetooth headset in his ear. “Hang on, you’re breaking up. Literally.”

The Watercliffe Meadow elementary, uh, place where kids go all day to learn stuff, in Sheffield, England, doesn’t call itself a “school” because administrators say many parents have a negative connotation of school. Linda Kingdon, Chief Person Who Educates Children, prefers to call it “a place for learning,” one which also features no bells or locked doors, and in which children will be encouraged to wear soft shoes so they’ll be comfortable. Once children graduate from Watercliffe Meadow they’ll be able to continue their education at Politically Correct Junior High, Euphemism Prep, or Muddy Meaning Middle, uh, Place for Learning.

It’s a little late for Christmas giving, but iCatholics everywhere will be interested in the first iPhone and iPod Touch app approved by the Vatican—iBreviary. It not only includes the Breviary prayer book in Italian, English, Spanish, French, and Latin, it also has the prayers of the daily Mass. All for just 99 cents (iPhone or iPod Touch not included). “But Mom, that only sounds like AC/DC. Honest!”

The FDA has warned Coca Cola that their Diet Coke Plus is mislabeled. Even though the no-calorie soda has vitamins and minerals added, the FDA doesn’t think it’s appropriate to fortify snack foods. So much for the new Sprite with Calcium, Fanta Wheatgrass, and Mr. Pibb Smoothie with Flaxseed and Spirulina.

Inax Corp., Japan’s second largest toilet manufacturer, has recalled 81,724 electric bidet toilets, after reports that the covers on several of them overheated, melted, and began smoking. Freud would be fascinated by the therapeutic possibilities.

1. When a woman in Wheaton, Illinois, was evicted from her one-bedroom apartment, Animal Control Officers had to be called because it turned out she kept rabbits there. Sixty-nine of them, to be exact. It wasn’t her fault, they multiplied like, well, rabbits.

2. Michelle Duggar of Rogers, Arkansas, gave birth on Thursday. To her 18th child. The kids range in age from 20 to 2 days. Remember, abstinence makes the house appear larger.

3. When authorities investigated complaints about the noise and smell coming from a two-room apartment in Berlin, Germany, they discovered a 60-year-old man and his pets—1,500 budgies and parakeets. The uncaged birds lived on rods and flew around the apartment, which not surprisingly was covered in inches of bird poop. According to Spiegel, “Officials say the man will have to move out of his apartment, which is now uninhabitable.” Yeah, because it was habitable so before.