A teenager in Chesapeake,Virginia, is selling a 2″-long cornflake in the shape of Illinois on eBay. The bidding started at $9.99 and in four days has reached $200,300. Plus a $4.99 shipping charge, of course. With almost two days to go, there’s no telling how high the bogus bidding might go. And to think that doors, pretzels, and pancakes with the image of Jesus Christ or his Mom don’t go for anywhere near that kind of money. Like the Beatles, could Barack’s home state be more popular than Jesus?

ADDENDUM: eBay pulled the listing because it was unpackaged food, so now they’re auctioning a coupon good for the cornflake. And in the first day bidding is only at $255.

– An investment bank about to put the “bank” in bankruptcy – $236.2 million
– Getting out of a marriage with Heather Mills – $48.6 million
– A war in Iraq – $275 million a day
– The state of the world – Priceless

A biologist at Georgetown University has shown that adult moths can remember things that happened to them when they were larval caterpillars, even after surviving the metamorphosis that turns their brains and bodies into soup before the mush re-forms as a moth. Unfortunately they only live about a week, so they don’t retain the memory very long.

On Wednesday night the unincorporated community of Prospect Bend in Broward County, Florida, opened the polls so residents could cast a ballot in a referendum to decide whether they should be annexed by the city of Tamarac. No one showed up. Since the results count as much as they did in the Democratic primary, until it’s resolved Prospect Bend belongs to Hillary Clinton.

Want to stay home from work to watch March Madness and be paid for it? Get a doctor’s excuse! According to a radio commercial running in Springfield, Oregon, “When March Madness approaches you need an excuse…to stay at home in front of the big screen. Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts.” It’s quick, relatively painless, and tax deductible, just like the money you lose on the office betting pool. Already have one? Consider another procedure. Oh, like say, a lobotomy?

A recent Associated Press investigation found that our drinking water often contains trace amounts of prescription drugs, including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers, and sex hormones. What will this do for you besides protect you from getting infections, keep your undiagnosed epilepsy under control, and make you smile and shrug your shoulders about the news? If the fish found by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service are any indication, it could lead to lower sperm counts, males being feminized, and females developing male genital organs. So drink the eight recommended glasses a day. Soon you might be able to do the things to yourself others have been recommending you do for years.

Just when you thought you knew all the sins you had to confess to and atone for, the Catholic Church comes up with a few more. And just in time for Easter, too! According to an interview with Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti published in the Vatican’s newspaper, not only will envy, greed, and murder be sins, so will drugs, pollution, genetic manipulations, and “economic injustices.” No word yet on which, if any of these, will be mortal as opposed to venial sins, so if you’re going to commit any of them, do it now before they get upgraded.

In an interview with Uncut magazine, Keith Richards tells young people not to do drugs. “Give it up, it ain’t really worth it,” he said. “I know the fascination, but it ain’t worth it.” After all, just because you can afford the drugs doesn’t mean you can afford to fly to Switzerland every couple of months to have your blood replaced.

For the first time since 1940, St. Patrick’s Day falls during Holy Week, which is the seven sacred days before Easter, meaning that according to Church rules, there can be no Mass to honor St. Patrick on his eponymous day. Not only that, many parades and celebrations are being moved so they don’t happen during Holy Week. Luckily liturgical rules don’t say anything about green beer, green bagels, or singing Danny Boy off key, so you can still celebrate without going to hell.

The cemetery in Sarpourenx, France, is booked up and there’s no more room. Since the neighboring town of Pau won’t sell them land to expand the cemetery, Sarpourenx’s mayor, Gerard Lalanne, posted an ordinance saying that “all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish. Offenders will be severely punished.” He didn’t say how they’d be punished, but it’s a good bet fire, brimstone, having to smell overripe brie, and no Jerry Lewis movies for eternity might be appropriate.

It turns out Moses might have been high when he received the Ten Commandments, and we’re not talking altitude. A psychology professor at Jerusalem’s Hebrew University says two plants found in the Sinai desert contain the same psychoactive compounds as those found in Amazonian plants used to brew ayahuasca, a powerful hallucinogenic. Apparently taking a lot of ayahuasca can cause the imbiber to see light accompanied by religious and spiritual feelings. You know, kind of like the thunder, lightning, trumpets, and awe mentioned in the Book of Exodus. It gives new meaning to the idea of Moses holding the tablets, doesn’t it?

Back in December 2005 the United Nations General Assembly declared that 2008 would be the International Year of the Potato. Well, it’s here! As part of the celebration, the U.N. is sponsoring a Meet the Spuds potato growing competition for kids in Ireland, a Gnocchi Gnight in Seattle, and a global conference to discuss Potato Science for the Poor (“It’s better than alms!”). So don’t be half-baked, chip in and be part of the festivities. After all, 2009 will be the International Year of (yawn) Astronomy. Go ahead, try and eat that!

The Vatican is launching a PR campaign to convince people that the Inquisition — during which the Roman Catholic Church not only burned and tortured witches, blasphemers, and members of other faiths, but executed thousands of people — really wasn’t as bad as it appeared to be. An exhibit at Rome’s Vittoriano Museum supposedly “exposes some myths” about the Church’s glory days during the Middle Ages. Okay, so there were racks and impaling tools used. It’s not like they were waterboarding or anything.

Researchers at St Louis University in Missouri found that a friendly dog can make nursing home residents feel less isolated. And so can AIBO, Sony’s robot dog. “The most surprising thing is they worked almost equally well in terms of alleviating loneliness and causing residents to form attachments,” Dr. William Banks said. Plus the robo-dog doesn’t need to be walked, won’t shed — okay, maybe a few iron filings here and there, doesn’t eat smelly dog food, and won’t leave anything on the floor to be scooped up. Unfortunately for lonely seniors who want a carefree companion, Sony discontinued the robo-pet two years ago.

Norway opened a vault built deep within an Arctic mountain to store millions of seeds from around the world in case they’re needed after a war, natural disaster, or the Burpee order was placed too late and it’s time to plant the crops. European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso called it “a frozen Garden of Eden.” Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg referred to it as “the Noah’s Ark for securing biological diversity.” President Bush said it’s “the Jonah and the Whale of safety deposit boxes. Hey, do you have any sunflower seeds here I can eat?”

French scientists have created a self-healing rubber band that, if it breaks, can be repaired just by pressing the edges together for a few minutes. And it can be repaired over and over and over. Now how about using it for something more useful, like tires, balloons, and condoms?

Maxim magazine has apologized for running a bad review of the Black Crowes’ new album, Warpaint, and giving it two-and-a-half stars because it turns out the writer couldn’t have listened to the whole CD since advance copies weren’t available. According to the magazine, the review was an “educated guess.” The Black Crowes have accepted the apology, even though they didn’t read all of it.

In an attempt to fit in with a largely Asian neighborhood in Hacienda Heights, CA, a McDonald’s restaurant has used the principles of feng shui to redecorate, replacing the red and blue plastic interior with earth tone colors, leather seats, bamboo plants, water trickling down glass panels, and metal sculptures of a crane and Koi hanging on the wall. They say the makeover will help diners achieve happiness and good fortune as well as “tap their inner Zen.” But don’t look for McRiceBowls, McTeriyaki, or a even raw fish sandwich with wasabi. The menu hasn’t changed. But at least you can supersize your karma at the same time as your waist.

We have the “Black JFK,” so why not the “Black Reagan”? While on a five-nation tour of Africa, George and Laura Bush joined members of the Kankouran African Dance Company during a Malaria Awareness Day celebration. According to Condoleezza Rice, who was there with Bush but didn’t get up to dance, The Bushman has rhythm and “demonstrated that he can stay on the beat.” Can his doctrine of Dance Diplomacy be far behind? Check it out for yourself here.

The Florida State Board of Education adopted new science standards that will for the first time allow the word “evolution” to be used in schools, even though the theory has been taught for years using code words such as “change over time,” “the thing Darwin wrote books about,” and “not that goofy Intelligent Design nonsense.” The new standards are being challenged by less evolved creatures who, according to the “Change over Time” theory, should go away soon.