Alistair Beswick was logging onto Coca Cola’s English CokeZone website when he was asked to enter a couple of words as a security key. You know, the word codes called “Captchas” that stop non-humans from logging in. To his surprise, he was asked to enter “u f**kr”. Trying not to take it personally, he typed it in, confirmed his registration, and redeemed his coupon for free gifts. Hopefully he got the T-shirt that says: “Coke, it’s the real sh*t.”

After kicking off a national listening tour about the economy last week at Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Carbon Community College, President Barack Obama stopped by the Hamilton Family Restaurant for a bite to eat. Owner George Malke isn’t just going to frame photographs of the President’s visit, he’s planning to put the plate, cup, and silverware on display in a glass case, though probably without the presidential food scraps that are still on them. He also says he’s saving the table and chair Obama used. One can only hope the President didn’t go to the bathroom while he was there.

According to the World Health Organization, tobacco use kills at least 5 million people every year. Since nearly 95 percent of the world’s population isn’t protected by anti-smoking laws, we have to rely on cigarette pack warnings to get people to stop. Unfortunately, it turns out they can have the opposite effect. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that by warning smokers their habit can be fatal, the labels can cause them to smoke more as a means of coping with the bad news. Warnings unrelated to death, such as “smoking makes you unattractive” or “smoking brings you and the people around you severe damage,” were more effective. Maybe they should try “Smoking causes wrinkles, bad breath, stinky clothes, and pariahism, which is not to be confused with priapism.”

The two Northwest Airlines pilots who flew 150 miles past their destination of Minneapolis last October are blaming air traffic controllers who they say didn’t follow correct rules and procedures rather than their having been preoccupied with their laptops trying to learn how to use a new crew scheduling program. Hey, at least they didn’t say “The dog ate our flight plan” or “No one told us they moved Minneapolis to Minnesota. How were we to know?”

Smith’s Crisps, an Australian potato chip manufacturer, recently held a contest in which people suggested a new chip flavor, then everyone voted for their favorite. The winning suggestion was worth $30,000 plus 1% of sales. Late Night Kebab, Caesar Salad, and Buttered Popcorn were all outvoted by BBQ Coat of Arms, a kangaroo and emu flavored potato chip. Needless to say, there’s an uproar over it, saying it degrades native wildlife and that ”It implies that it is perfectly OK to kill kangaroos and emus, just for fun!” Smith’s says the new flavor honors the native Australian animals. Not to mention that the chips don’t actually contain any emu or kangaroo and are, in fact, okay for vegetarians. What’s the big deal? Here in the U.S. you can buy Eagle brand Condensed Milk, Old Glory pet food, and Bush baked beans.

After poring over research on more than 3,000 mummies, anatomists and paleopathologists at the University of Zurich concluded that 18% of all mummies suffered from an array of dental diseases including worn teeth, periodontal disease, abscesses, and cavities, proving that dentists were in short supply in ancient Egypt, the English are without a doubt descended from the Egyptians, and cheap jokes will be around forever.

Researchers at Duke University in North Carolina wanted to better understand “superhydrophobicity,” which is when a plant is extremely water-repellent. They used high-speed microscopic imaging to photograph a drop of water bouncing off a lotus leaf and discovered that the leaf’s natural vibrations are what shake off the water. Analyzing the same photographs, Physicsworld.com discovered that the water drop looks exactly like Ringo Starr. Could found images of the Beatles be bigger than images of Jesus on irons and tortillas? Can you sell a drop of water on eBay? Does this prove that Paul really is the walrus?

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says colds, swine—I mean, H1N1—flu, and STDs aren’t the only things that are contagious, loneliness is too. They found that lonely people “infect” or “transmit” their feelings of loneliness to their friends, who in turn become lonely. They recommend that you try not to come in contact with lonely people, but if you do, ask them to cover their mouth with their hand before venting, be sure to wash your karma in warm soapy water afterwards, and consider wearing a surgical mask, eye shade, and earplugs when you’re around them.

Police in Peru have arrested three men, charging them with kidnapping dozens of people, killing them, and draining the fat from the corpses to sell on the black market for use in making cosmetics. Two of the men were carrying bottles of liquid human fat when arrested, telling police it was worth $60,000 a gallon. This has prompted the FBI to warn Americans who participated in last week’s Thanksgiving gorge fest to be on the alert for copycats who need the money so they can pay outrageous prices for scalped Zhu Zhu Pets.

The Silverdome football stadium in Pontiac, Michigan, which cost $55.7 million when it was built in 1975, has been sold at auction for $583,000, which is about 1% of its original cost and less than the median price of a home in San Francisco. It was bought by a group of real estate investors from Toronto who plan to move the stadium to Canada where more people are employed so they can afford to buy tickets to see sporting events.

Just as they have for the past 24 years, the U.S. Public Interest Research Group has released their annual list of dangerous toys just in time for Christmas shopping. The bad toy list includes the Stompers Triceratops from Playskool that they say is loud enough to cause hearing loss and Pretty Princess Puppy Purse from Claire’s that has “potentially toxic” chemicals. While not dangerous, they’re discouraging parents from purchasing Put Your Clothes Back On Elmo, Ethnic Cleansing Barbie, and the Zhu Zhu Pets Special Edition Richard Gere Gerbil.

Ninety-five years after he died, Galileo’s body was moved from a storage place to a tomb in Santa Croce Basilica in Florence. During the move people managed to remove three fingers, a vertebra, and a tooth. The spineless thieves were never fingered, though one of the digits was recovered and is in the Museum of the History of Science in Florence while the vertebra is at the University of Padua. The tooth and other two fingers were, well, missing. Recently an 18th-century glass vase was bought at an auction and—lo and behold!—the thumb, finger, and tooth inside turned out to be Galileo’s. They won’t be dropped off the Leaning Tower of Pisa, they’ll go on display at the Museum of the History of Science next spring. Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Figaro Magnifico-o-o-o-o!

In a new book, Vatican historian Barbara Frale says computer enhanced images of the Shroud of Turin show faintly written words in Greek, Latin, and Aramaic that prove it’s Jesus’ burial cloth, this in spite of the radiocarbon dating that found the shroud was made in the 13th or 14th century. Frale says the writing includes the name “Jesus Nazarene” in Greek, a partial word in Latin that reads “iber,” more Greek that can be translated as “removed at the ninth hour,” and the Aramaic phrase “Honk if you love the guy buried in this shroud.”

Having trouble cashing in your frequent flier miles because there are no seats left? Let them accrue and get a breast implant. Or a face lift. Or even hair replacement. You can do this by going to torontosurgery.com. Breast augmentation surgery at Nordstroem Hospital in Helsinki—you didn’t think they were going to do this in-flight, did you?—will set you back 3.18 million points, which is 120 round-trip flights between Helsinki and New York. Pre-purchase consultation, warranty—seriously!—and in-flight headphones for the movie are extra.

Tired of the W? Looking for bigger and better hotel thrills? Head to Nantes, France, where you can sleep in the Hamster villa. Yes, for only 99 euros ($158) a night you can live like a hamster by having hamster chow for meals, running in a giant wheel, and sleeping in hay stacks. Why? According to owner Yann Falquerho, who dressed as a hamster for the interview with Reuters, “Often, the adults who come here have wanted or did have hamsters when they were small.” Or maybe they watched Hamsterdance a few too many times during their formative years.

Student chefs at a culinary school in Colombia have created a “love dessert” made with passion fruit—which got its name because Catholic missionaries thought parts of the fruit had religious connotations, not because of any aphrodisiac qualities—whipped cream, chocolate, and Viagra. Yes, you need a prescription to order it. No, they don’t make any promises. And no, they’re not planning on making another version as a banana split.

When 27-year-old Sergey Gavrilov’s mother refused to give him money for vodka, he did what any deranged Russian son would do—he hit her over the head with a brick, strangled her with an electric cord, put her body out on the balcony, and went on a two-day drinking and gambling binge. Soon after, he ran out of food so for the next month he made soup and pasta sauce using meat sliced from his mother’s frozen body. He confessed to the crime, but explained that “I did not like the meat very much. It was too fatty. But I was so hungry, I had to eat it.” He was given 14 years and three months in jail, slightly less than the 15 years the Russian criminal code dictates because, as the judge so sympathetically—or is that pathetically?—said, “He was not keen to eat the meat, he just was hungry.” Besides, the closest Safeway was too far to stagger to.

According to the dating website BeautifulPeople.com, which only lets “beautiful people” join, the British are just about the ugliest people in the world. You see, when someone applies to become a member, they post a recent photo and fill out a personal profile. Then existing members of the opposite sex vote on whether to accept them or not. Swedish men are at the top with 65% of them being accepted, while 76% of Norwegian women are allowed to join. Nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries have been rejected, including seven out of eight British men and four out of five British women. Only Russian and Polish men have done worse. Apparently Photoshop doesn’t have a strong market penetration in Britain, Russia and Poland.

A professor of food chemistry at the University of Missouri-Columbia is trying to create ice cream that’s good for you by adding fiber, antioxidants and probiotics. Ingolf Gruen admits that it will be important for the ice cream to also taste good, but is convinced that Flax Heathbar Omega-3 Crunch could be a hit.